oneirataxia
by chxnchxnn
Summary: It is only in his deepest memories that he remembers — the memories scarred by time. [archer/rin].


_It's only in his deepest memories that he remembers _—_ the memories scarred by time._

* * *

"Archer," Rin's voice sounds through the empty bedroom, a hint of mild annoyance tinged throughout, and Archer prepares himself for an upcoming scolding.

He lets out an exasperated sigh and turns, ready to please whatever her next fickle desire is, until he sees the red pendant in her hand.

"What is this?"

It gleams in the lowlight, just as beautiful as the last time he held it in his hand. It brings too many memories, and he struggles to block out the feelings from a time long lost. Tearing his gaze from the stone, Archer scoffs and drawls, "It's what you used to heal that idiot. Don't tell me your memory is already going to pieces, Rin, it's too early in the war for that."

"I'm not an idiot," Rin snaps. "I talked to Emiya and he says he still has the gem I used to save him, so I'll ask again—_what is this_?"

Archer stiffens, and momentarily forgets to breathe.

"I already told you what it is," he manages, taking a step back.

"And I _told you_," she grinds out, "I'm not a damn idiot, so stop _lying_ to me."

He tries to reign in his rising panic, attempting to diffuse the situation. "I'm not lying, and I'm not the one trusting an enemy for information over your own servant."

Rin's blue eyes blaze with frustration as she lets out a sharp exhale. "For the last time, Emiya is our ally, and it would do well for you to stop acting like he's going to betray us at any second and lead us to our ruin." She emphasizes the hand holding the pendant, "Don't change the subject and tell me the truth."

Archer has no smart reply, no improvised excuse. Thinking back, it was a foolish choice to give back her pendant. At the time he had tried to justify it, thinking Shirou was going to die sooner or later—that the boy was too foolish to survive the war long enough to do anything significant.

He's accepted it now, the truth he's known for a long time. He had kept the pendant all these years as an attempt to maintain a fragment of his past self, one of the few things he truly loved. Someone he was grateful towards, who he owed his undying loyalty to. Yet as time passed, he had forgotten her face, her voice, her bitter tears as they parted ways, only remembering her in name.

A man like him didn't deserve something that special. He knows now, after seeing her again, even in a millennia, no one would suit that pendant like she did. Not even when it was given to save his life.

Fed up with his silence, Rin snaps. "Fine! If you won't tell me, I'll have to resort to this: _Anfang!_"

Alarmed, Archer jumps to his feet. "You can't be serious!"

Ignoring him, she continues. "_Vertrag...Ein neuer Nagel-_"

"Rin!" It's only after he sees Rin's startled face that he realizes he had shouted. After a beat of silence, he sits on the bed and speaks again, the words sounding hollow and distant, even to him. "What I said was true, at least to some extent. That pendant was used to heal Shirou Emiya by a Rin Tohsaka, just...not this Emiya—not this world."

Rin blinks as she attempts to understand. Seconds pass between them until realization dawns on her. Her gaze softens."So you've kept it all this time?"

Archer lets out a weak laugh, his hand coming up to cover his face. "Until now, at least."

He hears quiet footsteps, and when his hand falls, Archer sees her standing over him. Blue eyes stare into grey as she moves to straddle him, hovering just slightly. Time stills. He's scared to even breathe, as if everything would break apart if he touched the dream.

Her dark hair slips from her shoulders and curtains her face, and all Archer can see, hear, feel, is her. He smells the lingering scent of mana and magecraft, as well as something that he can only describe as _Rin_. He wonders how he could have managed to forget such a thing, such a blessed thing, because in this moment, it's as if he is the earth and she is his sun.

He closes his eyes and all he feels is the feather light touch of her fingers, a quiet sigh escaping from her.

"Archer," Rin quietly says, tracing delicately around his eyes. "Will you let me indulge in you one last time?" She teases the string of the pendant above his lips, and Archer's breath stutters, a noise sounding at the back of his throat.

"Your wish is my command," he rasps, holding the necklace between his teeth, the weight of the pendant causing it to sway gently before stilling. "Master."

He feels her body draw closer as she straddles him, kissing him once on the lips, then on the jaw, then slowly making her way down his neck. She lingers on his pulse, feeling his steady heartbeat, reassuring her that he was there, he was with her, he was alive.

"I don't want to lose you," she softly murmurs into the hollow of his neck, and everything inside Archer shatters. "Stay."

Archer opens his eyes and looks at the girl with her arms tightly wrapped around his waist, her face nestled in the crook of his neck, on the verge of crumbling. He releases the necklace, the gem dropping soundlessly onto the mattress. He wishes he could follow her request, to stay there forever with the girl he loved, but even she knows the impossibility of that wish.

Because even Rin, in her most vulnerable and desperate state, knows once the command seal on her hand disappears, so will he, and that he cannot belong in a home of which was not his to begin with.

* * *

_He wakes, he blinks, and he cries._

* * *

**_oneirataxia_**

_(n.) _the inability to distinguish between fantasy and reality.


End file.
